Illustrated title and image of soup night dinners © thesmarti 2024
Yours truly hosted a soup night with friends on the regular during the Namibian winter season. It started as a way to get to know a particularly fascinating friend. Easy way to lure her from her offices with a comforting meal, and then send her home with leftovers because a) I love sharing and b) I figured it would incentivize her to come back. Yup, that's me. Shamefully bribing new friends. Ruthless strategic friendship skills, I know. But when you are new to a community, sometimes you have to flip the systems in your favor. And Windhoek is a tiny city and a tiny population. Closed-knit to the max. So, I started the soup nights to break in and meet the other artists. And I can highly recommend a soup night if you want to build community, too.
Why soups? It's soothing. It's healthy. It's easy. Momola and I did a lot of soup cooking together over whatsapp during corona-times. Chop. Sauté. Boil. Simmer. It's easy in comparison to more complicated dishes, and the repetition feels nice. For this soup night stretch I've made:
roasted red pepper soup
white bean chili
green goddess soup
laksa curry
gazpacho
french onion
artichoke gnocchi soup
creamy white bean and kale
golden chickpea soup
tomato soup (and cheese sandwiches)
creamy potato soup
Illustrated invites for soup night - artichoke gnocchi, gazpacho and tomato soup © thesmarti 2024
And hosting? People often tell me that it seems like a lot of work. But actually, I find it easy, and I like staying at home (hello, happy homebody here!) Not so secretly, I also love curating an experience. But I have had my fair share of mistakes:
not being showered before guests arrive
not having indoor slippers for guests (we're a shoes-free home and winters are cold!)
running out of tupperware
realizing soup is cold as I'm serving it
not checking my phone while a guest was lost for 40 minutes
pouring boiling water on my hand because I was engrossed in conversation
burning my arm on the oven rack because I was distracted by a great question
Etc. etc. So many mistakes.
Despite those mistakes - I still it's worthwhile. Anyone can do this. Although you need to know yourself and your bandwidth. As an example, I had to learn to let go of serving drinks as part of the hosting experience for soup nights. Two reasons. First, I'm a camel in social situations and won't drink even if I'm holding a glass in my hand. I just get distracted easily and I cant be bothered to remember to fill up someone else's cup. Two, I like it when people feel emboldened to move around my kitchen like it's theirs. So my solution was to set up a drink station easily accessible on the kitchen counter and let guests self-serve. Other bits - I'm picky about quality salad dressing so I have oil/vinegar set on the table so people can do their own dressings, and I'm apathetic about dessert so I just don't do it. I know some people will gasp at that - but I know my boundaries and practice self-compassion there.
photos of yellow soup pots, place settings and dessert tea tray ready to go for soup night © thesmarti 2024
Here are other things that work for me:
keep the date consistent and repetitive (every other Monday)
decide the soup a week before
add ingredients to the weekly grocery list
estimate for twice the people and have carb fillers like potato, rice, or bread for the extra hungry (almost always guarantees leftovers)
whatsapp a small invite the week before with date, time, location, recipe
pin google directions it at the top of whatsapp conversations so people have it accessible
on the morning of, set up table, set out slippers, set up drink station
on the afternoon of, cook the soup early and let it warm on the stovetop
have a spotify playlist ready
use lamps and candles for lighting
afterward, load the dishwasher since it uses less water than hand washing
throw linen in washer overnight, set it out to dry in the morning
And alright, ok - a little braggy but I still think I did an okay job. Was it perfect? No. Did I make mistakes? See above. But did I enjoy myself? Yes. Did I build some friendships? YES.
And WE ATE WELL. I'm also so proud of that. Serving people nutritious food in a safe, curated space is such a love language. Soup night means all that and more. Breaking bread together and knowing that the food is doing good things for the other person. No fake ingredients, no cheating flavors. Real good food with real good togetherness. It's everything.
Soup nights brought a lot of solace over the autumn and winter months of April-May-June-July in Windhoek. (Southern hemisphere means we have winters in the opposite time frame - confusing? Yea, sometimes.) Through these dinners, I've had heart-to-hearts, wild chaotic exchanges, bonded over family stories and laughed at myself a lot. That one friend became an even closer part of my circle. Others joined in too. Friends of friends were invited in and the group expanded. It was a sweet and intimate way to call in and connect with other creatives in the network. And I'll probably do it again next year.
Illustration of building friendship through hosting soup night dinners © thesmarti 2024
If I dig deep, these soup night have been empowering for me. To be in charge of the inviting. To be the one who gets to decide all the things. To be the one giving instead of receiving. When you are always the new kid because you move around a lot, stability in social situations often feels scary and overwhelming. You are damn lucky if you happen upon a host who is willing to host AND serve AND introduce you into their already busy schedules. It can happen. I've been lucky in other posts. But it's crazy to expect it. And planning is my safety blanket, so these soup nights have helped me flip the tables, set something up instead of waiting for something to happen. And it made me feel secure and accepted in a way I didn't realize I needed.
To be frank, I'm surprised it worked as well as it did. It's probably due to the energy and willingness of the friendly local creatives here. (And that one elusive gem of a friend who everyone wanted to spend more time with!) They've each given me time and grace and ate cold soup once and brought food gifts, shared stories and were just generally wonderfully kind and accepting people. People are wonderful. And it's made me feel very much at home and feel in my heart like I belonged. And that my dears, is what it's all about in the end.
Cheers to soup nights and willing friends,
smarti
What a delightfully introspective read. Soup nights for my soul. That’s what these have been for me. 💖🍲